I’ve been thinking of writing this post for a while now, but for different reasons, I took my time. Someone once told me I’m not the typical 21 year-old (this was last year); he was right. I am now 22 and believe it or not, I’ve already been married for two years now. We just celebrated our two-year anniversary on December 23rd. My life has been very intense since then and it feels like ten years have passed since I left Romania. However, I myself still find it unbelievable.
Our story is a bit of a soap opera script. A 30-year-old doctor, living in New York, meets a 19-year-old girl, at their cousin’s wedding in Mobile, Alabama. (What a random place to meet, isn’t it, considering we are both Romanians) They started talking more and more, and although the girl had doubts at first, she fell for the doctor, slowly but surely. They talked for months over the phone. Just five months after their first handshake, the doctor proposed to the girl with a beautiful diamond ring in a horse carriage in Central Park. Not long after, she transferred with her school and on December 20th 2005, she moved to New York. Not long after, they were husband and wife, after only six months.
After two years of marriage, I’ve reached a few conclusions. I proved a little insanity and unconsciousness to do what I did, at the age that I had. I had the naive belief that our love would conquer anything; that we would never fight; that nothing else mattered but to be together. And since we’re still together, I guess I still have a bit of that belief left in me. Love is indeed the most powerful feeling there is. However, love is not enough. You need some life experience and wisdom to go through it. It’s no joke. And it’s no soap opera. It’s reality. And it’s not pink and sparkly. What my mother always tells me is that the first one or two years are the hardest anyway.
Marriage at an early age tells me that it’s hard, damn hard. And it’s even harder when you are married with someone significantly older, significantly different, significantly wiser, when you discover things you weren’t aware of, when you are in a strange country with no family at all, when you feel you are alone in a messy situation. It’s hard because you are no longer a child. You no longer have the luxury to behave like a child. In my case, I don’t have the option to just give up and leave. I admit, I’ve thought time and time again that I should have waited more time before getting married, simply because things have to be done at their right time, not too early, not too late. I was a bit too young when I decided to get married. And it happened fast, it felt like a tornado. But it was hard; it’s still hard. I’ve had a few nervous breakdowns, I’ve wished to be my age again and I’ve envied my careless friends that are still enjoying life. I am no trophy wife and I don’t sit at home all day and wait for servants. I know there’s no recipe of when and how to get married, but there are some episodes I wish would have gone differently. Some steps in life are only done once and they have to be done right. Marriage is one of them.
My friendly suggestion to you is to do it your way, but take my advice and wait two years or so before tying the knot. I know what I’m talking about. This way you get to know each other better. Marriage is not a fairy-tale; that is if you’re not as Anna Nicole Smith marrying a billionaire, or Monica Columbeanu, to make a more local reference. What you need the most is patience, respect and a bit of maturity. I know, easier said than done.
So yeah, I did it my way…
